dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
is wine microwaveable?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
