I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
