$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
