i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
