Already got asked if we're dating
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
