Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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