Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
