So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
