Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
