I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
