Pants 0. Shit 1.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Randomize
