i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
