i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
