Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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