he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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