After last night, I could never be a politician.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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