just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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