I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
