My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize