What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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