so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
