Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I need water and some morals
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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