dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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