god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
