i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
