He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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