What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize