Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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