when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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