a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Randomize
