just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
