So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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