one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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