So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
