Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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