Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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