I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
