Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
