I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Randomize
