the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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