He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
