You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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