i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
