we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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