the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
