Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Who did Billy Mays play for?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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