Your tits are I can't wait for
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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