We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
