Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
