I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
