How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
This baby is an asshole
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
