I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
