This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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