Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
