I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
