i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
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