I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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