Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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