i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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