I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize