he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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