like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
