My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Found your dick twin last night
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
