I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
