Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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