wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
