apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
