I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
