I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
