Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
My nipple is on Facebook.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
We talked him into tasing himself.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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