So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
