i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
