Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
