i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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