Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
