what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
