Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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