Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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