I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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