Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
