i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
