So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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