I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
