This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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