Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
