So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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