Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
