Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
