Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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