if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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