just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
