I can text with my tongue
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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