I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
