i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize