It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
