i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
