I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
